


Phobos

by TsarinaTorment



Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Being English it's so weird to write Mom not Mum, Character Study, Gen, I am in no way his intellectual peer, I have never written John's PoV before this'll be fun, Jeff is also mentioned but not in a way I feel qualifies a character tag, Mentions of other S3 episodes, Scott is especially not okay, Signals Spoilers, These boys are not okay, author's headcanons, but John's American so Americanism it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:21:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22245523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsarinaTorment/pseuds/TsarinaTorment
Summary: John looks at his brothers, and worries.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	Phobos

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own _Thunderbirds_ (or _Thunderbirds Are Go_ )
> 
> Spoilers for _Signals_ and allusions to later S3 episodes.

John worries. It's not an unusual trait amongst the Tracys – Scott smothers, Virgil frets and even Gordon's façade can't entirely hide the panic that bubbles up from time to time, to say nothing of their long-enduring grandmother. Alan has yet to fully pick up the mantle, but he's still young and a little too naïve – intellectually aware that things don't always work themselves out but still wholeheartedly believes his brothers can fix everything anyway.

It's not unusual, but John is aware his worries are not the same as his brothers'. Closer to Grandma's, perhaps, although he's never approached the matter with her to confirm. See, while Alan might naively believe that his older brothers – Scott especially, but the rest of them on pedestals not much lower – can fix everything, his other brothers believe that _Dad_ can fix everything.

John understands that. John wants to believe that, too, but being the ears of International Rescue has left him entirely disillusioned, a lack of fairy tale endings brutally hammered into him by the lives lost, the lives he'd never told his brothers about because the chance of saving them had been a total flat zero, even when taking into account their persistence that the impossible was just another challenge to surmount. Even if he'd never listened to dying words, kept children and adults company as the reaper came to collect, he'd know that Dad's return wouldn't fix things.

That's the thing with living in orbit – specifically in _Thunderbird Five_ – isolated physically but more connected to his brothers than even they realise. They can't hide anything from him. The Thunderbirds, Tracy Island – all of it is linked back to him, not a single blindspot in either location, if he deigns to look. And look he does, now. There was a time when he didn't, always announcing his presence with a hologram when he checked in on his family, but that time is long, long gone.

He keeps constant tabs on his brothers now, a self-appointed task made far easier to maintain by the acquisition of EOS. The AI doesn't understand, really, but she respects his need to always know what his brothers are doing. _How_ they're doing. They don't know that he does. He'd receive a tongue lashing about invasion from each of them if they found out, presented differently but identically affronted at the core. He watches them stay strong in front of each other and break down in the sanctuary of their own rooms, when they think they're alone.

This is why he worries. Of course, he worries about the other stuff, too. The missions gone wrong, the search for Dad, how much longer Grandma has until she can't keep up – most people her age would have stopped years ago. Scott's worries. But most of all, he worries about what will happen if – _when_ , because 'impossible' has long since ceased to truly mean that for them – Dad comes home.

Virgil and Gordon believe he'll fix it all. That he'll take back control of what he needs to and Scott no longer needs to worry himself into an early grave because the worst of the responsibility will be off his shoulders again. It's Virgil who worries most obviously about Scott – approaching him with all the subtlety of a raging bull about it whilst still keeping a soft edge of tact in a unique mix that only the middle Tracy brother has ever mastered – but John knows better, knows that more often than not there are two pairs of warm brown eyes watching the fading shell that still tries to hold everything together with concern. Gordon does his part by taking responsibility for entertaining Alan, keeping the Terrible Two going despite them both being far too old for that, now. They still hold Dad up on that incredible pedestal – Jeff Tracy, the Hero. The Unshakeable Dad.

Scott… John doesn't think Scott has even _thought_ about what will happen after they get Dad back. Scott is a here and now person, sets a goal and charges towards it, woe betide anything that tries to stand in his way – John has never seen anything succeed in that endeavour, although he knows Grandma and Virgil have forced brief pauses on occasion. Right now, Scott's goal is _rescue Dad_.

This is what worries John the most. Scott carries the weight of the world and then some on his shoulders, refusing to share the burden and brushing their attempts away with the practice of an older brother slash pseudo father. His hair is turning grey at an accelerating rate, which he either pretends not to acknowledge or is too blinkered to notice in the first place. When they found that footage from the Zero-X's capsule, the weight on Scott's shoulders had only got heavier.

This, his brothers have seen – even Alan. It's hard not to when Scott's on a hair-trigger, complaining about PR stunts arranged by Lady Penelope in a way he would never have done before, because it's wasting time. Because _he's_ wasting time, even though Brains didn't stop working on the T-Drive at all and there's really nothing for Scott to do until the Zero-X is ready to fly.

What John fears they don't see, is what will happen when Dad comes home and the weight is lifted all at once. What will happen to Scott when Dad's back in the driving seat, Commander of International Rescue and CEO of Tracy Industries? When the head of the family is no longer Scott, but Dad (Grandma will always be the shadow matriarch, but here it's the visible head that matters)?

John is acutely aware that underneath the layers upon layers of responsibility heaped on his shoulders, Scott is a lost child. He was only a teenager when they lost Mom, Dad still a famous astronaut spending more time on Mars and the Moon than planet Earth, and Scott had to jump from child to adult. Grandma helped, of course she did, but Scott has always been someone to throw himself headlong into challenges. His first big challenge: raising four younger brothers, ranging from the ages of two to twelve.

John is self-aware enough to know that he is not okay, either. He was on the cusp of being able to largely look after himself, more caregiver than receiver, and did what he could to help out. But Scott, in his infinite teenage hypocrisy, refused to let him give too much. John still had his teenage years, an awkward transition from child to adult that more or less took place at the pace society dictated it should. Physically, Scott had gone through that, too, but he'd never had the chance to learn who he was through stupid mistakes. Aged fourteen, his life had gone an abrupt switch from boy to adult, and if you know what to look for, it's obvious.

Beneath the façade of _Commander_ , _Head of Family_ , _CEO_ , there is that rebellious spirit. It's the same thing that makes Colonel Casey and the GDF despair, because Scott rigidly follows "my way or the high way" and refuses to compromise, just like a headstrong young teen. There's the recklessness, risk-taking better suited to an immature Alan (who is grilled worse than Grandma's chicken whenever he tries to emulate it) than a fully grown man reaching the end of his twenties.

And there's the way that Scott throws himself into work. He's a workaholic, ironically most comfortable when he's stressing himself into more grey hairs, because if he's not working, or training, or corralling younger brothers, he doesn't know what to do with himself. Who is Scott Tracy, once you strip away the responsibility he's laden upon himself?

John suspects they'll find out once Dad is home and everything leaves him all at once as he slips into the same trap Virgil and Gordon have caught themselves in – the _Dad will make everything okay_ trap. He fears they'll be left with the lost child. He's terrified that it might be something worse.

From the way he sees Grandma looking at Scott, when she knows the eldest brother isn't looking, he doesn't think he's the only one.

(He never lets himself consider a scenario in which their Dad is not okay – because Jeff Tracy is only human, too – and instead of relieving the burden on Scott it just adds another layer. What that would do to Scott – and the rest of them, John himself very much included.)

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is headcanon-heavy, I admit, but there are signs that Scott is cracking ( _Recharge_ being perhaps the most obvious of this, although _Signals_ isn't particularly light on the hints, either). To quote a friend of mine: the boy needs a hug, free time, and a hobby where he can be reckless.
> 
> As TAG is child-friendly, I suspect Scott probably _won't_ be a total wreck when they get Jeff back in canon, but whenever I look at Scott and how much he throws himself into IR I'm reminded of someone my Dad used to work with, who threw himself into his job whole-heartedly and when forced to retire died of a heart attack the day after finishing - believed to be due to the sudden change of pace. I admit I am intrigued how they're going to handle bringing Jeff back into the well-established dynamic though (if they don't pull a cheat and end the series with the immediate reunion).
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> Tsari


End file.
